New cash payment rules for top footballers
Slap Splatter, head of the squeaky clean world football body, Fee-For-All, has announced new transparency rules for the beautiful game.
After the final whistle of each match, players will now line-up and receive their salaries in cash on the football ground in front of adoring fans.
'There's nothing to hide. The public can see it all; note after note, wad after wad, bundle after bundle. Now everyone can watch how easily money changes hands in football,’ Mr Splitter said.
Fee-For-All will introduce a 20 minute extra-counting time and a 20 minute extra-extra counting time for players with poor mathematical skills and those like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, who have ridiculously massive piles of cash to count.
Counting will be televised live. Mr Splutter said TV pilots of footballers counting mountains of cash were shown in Greece and Spain last week and ratings literally exploded.
During cash counting, spectators from around the world will be able to compare their incomes with those of their heroes with a new segment: How many thousands of years of full-time work would it take me to earn a top footballer’s salary?
In the pilot episode it was revealed that it takes Lionel Messi 22 minutes to earn the weekly salary of Swiss senior IT engineer Coralie Martinelli (salary CHF 90,000 per year); and Gurung Thapa, a waiter in Nepal (salary 30,000 Nepalese rupees a year), would have to live to the ripe old age of 42,000 and work every day; breakfast, lunch and dinner, to earn the annual salary of Cristiano Ronaldo.
‘It’s all part of our level playing field programme which aims to highlight corruption in sport. We are confidence we can erase corruption, just as we have been making huge advances in curbing racism,' Mr Splotter told the media.
You can compare your financial status with Messi, Ronaldo, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Luis ‘the dentist’ Suarez and others by clicking here.