The Rump gives Trump a bump
Independent US presidential candidate Donald Trump has chosen Kim Kardashian as his running mate and the country’s future vice-president.
Leading pollster Dr Theodor Seuss said the famous rump has given Trump a massive bump.
New figures show 73% of Americans will vote for the Don and Kim ticket. Approval rating among men is running at 112%.
Ms Kardashian declared that not only will they build the greatest wall ever across the border with Mexico, but also decorate it with her world famous derriere.
“My backside will be on our side, not their side,” she later clarified to reporters. In other policy announcements, Ms Kardashian said Washington and politics were boring and that she will have a new tattoo on her mid left thigh. The tattoo procedure will be documented in a five-part series on Fox News in the lead-up to the November 8 2016 elections.
“We will also move the entire White House to the Fox studios and we will broadcast transparent government, as well as, Donald and me and my family 24 hours a day. Rupert Murdoch has agreed to play my grandfather. It’ll be a hoot,” she said.
Ms Kardashian also announced her husband Kanye West is currently working on a new national anthem tentatively titled: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Her fatheress Caitlyn Jenner told reporters she expects to be the next USA Secretary of State.
The poll showed support for Democrat candidate Hillary Clinton has fallen to 25.5%. However, a senior Clinton aide said: “We are confident that Elvis Presley is alive, and he’s ready to shake, rattle and roll with Hilary and the Democrats."
Meanwhile support for the Republican candidate Ted Cruz fell to just 1.5% after he last week accidentally killed 35 supporters and his entire campaign staff while demonstrating his recipe for machine-gun bacon at a pro-gun rally in Texas.